It's All In Your Head
The Broken Switchboard
In the world of Multiple Sclerosis, 'it is all in your head' is a literal, biological fact.
The disease attacks the central nervous system, turning your nerves into a broken switchboard. The result is a duality most people cannot comprehend.
The Phantom Fire
One day, I am on fire. My skin feels like the worst sunburn imaginable. It feels like I have been coated in Mike’s Hot Honey and rolled in a mound of fire ants. On those days, the mere weight of a pair of pants is unbearable. The pain is a phantom signal, a lie told by my brainbut the agony is real.
The Silent Burn
The next day, I could literally be on fire and not realize it. The signals go silent. I can pick up a hot pan directly from the oven and feel nothing. I do not realize the iron is searing my palm until the skin starts to melt.
The Final Betrayal
I have learned to trust my eyes more than my nerves. I use my sight to check if I am being burned because my skin is too busy screaming about imaginary ants.
Then the double vision kicks in.
Suddenly, I am staring down the road, forced to guess which car driving toward me is the real one.
The Resolve
Living this way requires a level of hyper-vigilance that is exhausting. Most people trust their senses to keep them safe. I have to cross-examine every sensation and every image. I have to lead meetings and make decisions while my own body gaslights me.
It is a masterclass in discipline. If I can navigate a world where my skin is melting, my nerves are lying, and my eyes are seeing double, I can navigate any crisis.
The signals are broken. My resolve is not.
If you enjoyed this post, consider supporting me in Walk MS.